Yes, there’s another viral rap sensation. It seems to happen almost every week now, but that’s the reality we live in. Some of these new stars are fantastic; others, I hope to never hear again. This week, the spotlight is on ian. Yes, just ian. After a few years of uploading music to SoundCloud, he blew up in early 2024, riding a wave of outrage clicks and undiscriminating excitement. The reason? He was a white guy dressed like a frat boy on his way to an 8 a.m. finance class, making technically competent music reminiscent of Slayworld, the internet-famous group that once included Summrs, Autumn!, Izaya Tiji, and Yeat. Unlike Yeat, who tried to distract from his whiteness with questionable turbans and alien-speak, ian leaned into his suburban white kid persona: vanilla outfits (white tee, sweats, slides) and a From the Block video for his breakout song “Figure It Out” filmed at an outdoor lunch with his sitcom-like real-life family, complete with full wine glasses, a prep school hoodie, and an American flag swaying in the wind. “Figure It Out” is the lead single from ian’s first full mixtape, Valedictorian. The artwork mimics the “You know I had to do it to ’em” meme, and the mixtape premiered at a packed listening party on the streets of New York, blasted out of the sunroof of a minivan. It’s probably his best song, though that’s not saying much. Through slurred, ATL-style melodies, he delivers a sprint of catchy flexes like, “Can’t choose what color I’m feelin’ today, thank God it’s a two-toned watch” and “My big brother like Marshawn Lynch, he’ll run through somebody.” The official Lyrical Lemonade video (because where there’s a popular white rapper, there’s Cole Bennett) even features a cameo from Marshawn Lynch, which feels cringy because the joke seems to be: Tough, Black ex-NFL star hangs out with suburban white rapper.
This highlights the problem with Valedictorian: it turns the music and culture it’s trying to emulate into a joke. Everything is so tongue-in-cheek: Look, isn’t it funny that a college-age white kid who looks like he could play lacrosse at a New England private school has a mixtape hosted by DJ Holiday, famous for his work with Gucci Mane and Chief Keef? “This the coldest motherfucker I seen in a long ass time, dressed white as hell though,” says Holiday, laughing, likely in disbelief at his paycheck. “Fuckin’ rich ass prick.” The beats sound like old Zaytoven (all except one by producer Sxprano), and “Judgment” with its calming strings and crafty drums, is a replica of something Zay would have given to Yung L.A. ian’s mimicry is evident in tracks like “Grand Slam,” where he raps car puns like Young Dro, or in “Bentayga” with Auto-Tune melodies reminiscent of Dirty Sprite-era Future, and in “AirBnb” where he wants so badly to be Chief Keef. The irony is there to distract you from the fact that this is empty music. Without the face, you’d recognize it as a lackluster imitation and scroll past.
That said, none of Valedictorian is unlistenable—just devoid of any personality or imagination. ian performs an amalgamation of melodic regional rap from the last decade without the ability or intent to innovate. He’s not reinterpreting ATL swag like Bear1boss or dissecting nostalgic dance rap like Xaviersobased. He’s just a white kid who’s heard a lot of rap, and there are lots of them. After years of exploring SoundCloud, I’m almost numb to white rappers who would probably undergo the Face/Off surgery with Chief Keef or Young Thug if possible. Initially, I shrugged off the ian phenomenon as not that deep—at least he isn’t Lil Mabu or Brennan Jones, rappers clearly mocking the genre for fame. At least there’s no sign of a pop-country or indie rock pivot, not yet. But the more I think about it, ian’s fast rise is unsettling. He’s stumbled onto a simple, repeatable blueprint that absorbs Black influences while marketing himself as if he isn’t. That might be scarier than obvious rip-offs because it suggests a mainstream rap future overrun with ians. (Introducing your Rolling Loud headliners owen, hunter, and dust1n, brought to you by Backwoods and Meta!) Another step toward a day when we’ll need to remind people about rap’s Black roots because Spotify playlists won’t. Until then, see you next week when another rapper falls from the cloud.
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